Thursday, January 14

It is huge...

I had a huge realization today that I have difficulty fitting in a group. It was yearly ratings day at work, I was 2nd in queue to meet with the manager. However, impatient I am, I requested if I could go first. I like to get rid of things as soon as possible, be it bad or good. I don't like surprises, well except if you are planning a birthday bash or gifting me with iPhone.

So the meeting went well, I did not fair well, and I am to blame for it. I lack in communication skills, my technical visibility is zero, and I am not that presentable. So the output of 8 months worth of work was expected. I can definitely do better. I can do better. I will do better. I will definitely do better. But that is not the main story I want to share.

So coming back to my not so good existence in the group. Well again, I am here to be blamed. I was rude, when I was asked what rating I got. I said I ain't telling anything because it is against company's policy and why should someone know what one earned? If that was not the case, why would we have private meetings to discuss one's progress, I ask. Anyways, I am past that life of gossiping and bitching about work. The truth is, I look forward to coming to work. I enjoy my day. I hear healthy conversations and listen to linkin park on a repeat mode. I don't want to live a life with regrets and I think no one should but then there is no point in complaining as well. Life is awesome. Say this 100 times everyday. Here you go, I just gave you my secret mantra.

Another reason of not being part of the herd is, I usually reach office at 9.15AM, have my boiled eggs, drink my black coffee and get to work. Spending half hour in the cafeteria at peak time i.e 11.30 or so, makes me uncomfortable. I am sure it is not wasting time, it is just chilling around with your group and feeling fun. However, I don't get excited about it. My way of enjoying is by reading articles online otherwise I have so much planned in life and I am way behind, so why not save some time by avoiding tea breaks.

Apart from that, I usually find I have nothing to put on the table. I am a complete mess and an ignorant dumb when people discuss their topics of interest. I have no interest in Bollywood, I hate politics of current affairs and I am a fool when it comes to small talk. I like to read technical blogs etc. I think everyone hates them.

I had this small issues during early days when I joined work, and started to crib about it. It is so much fun to crib, mind you, it is. I mean, it attracts ears, attention and it is so easy to repeat the same story over and over again. You will find your audience, so don't worry about that. However, later to think about it, I started feeling helpless and demotivated and at the same time guilty. As if I had committed a serious offence.

I may be still cribbing about stuff on this blog, but what the hell, this is my world. So you don't like it, stay out.

Apart from that, life was steady, I managed to get some real work done, avoided a huge blunder in CSS which would have affected almost all the main pages and considering that we are dev freeze soon, this could have been very difficult to solve. I had my back day today, lifted quite heavy and then was also quite early to office. When you reach on time without halting due to traffic, it is an achievement and so should be rewarded.

I had plans of writing ruby 101 today, but I forgot the material at office and so this post. I hope to write about ruby tomorrow and get at least one algorithm implemented. Tomorrow is my official blog day.

Ciao.. Adios amigos... Enjoy life. Live life king size..

To end, I'd like to share quote,

"If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes. But if you learn form them, you'll be a better person. It's how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit." - WIlliam J. Clinton.

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